A post I made on Livejournal not too long ago...

These are just some lazy critique's of three movies I saw not too long ago. While I do use a lot of vulgar words... I can usually analyze a film way better than how I did below. This was just meant to remove some boredom from my life. People read it and thought it was funny/a good way to figure out what movie they should check out, so I thought I'd share it with the blogger.com scene (UNFORTUNATELY NONE OF MY LJ FRIENDS WHO READ THIS COMMENTED, so you might not believe a word of what I said in that last sentence). Enjoy!

I just saw three movies.


Death Sentence - Kevin Bacon is awesome. I liked this movie a lot except the music kinda blew, it was very corny when that ONE song would come up during an emotional part. Very violent, and teaches the moral story that vengeance might just come back and bite you in the dick.
Rating: ***1/2 stars of WIN!


Casshern - Japanese movie based off of a 70's anime series/80's anime movie. It was barely anything like either. They were trying to be WAY TOO DEEP with the story, when all it needed to be about is a dude dressed up in white with a white ninja mask beating the shit out of robots. The action sequences were cool... BUT THERE WERE BARELY ANY! It was all like "DUHHHH LIFE IS LIKE A FLOWER, IT BLOOMS BUT HUMANS ARE BAD BECAUSE THEY KILL OTHER PEOPLE BLAH BLAH BLAH" stupid!! Not to mention that it also took what Sin City tried to do with recording actors in front of a green screen with little-to-no props and surround them with CGI... but there was one small problem... THE CGI SUCKED ASS!!!! Way to set computer graphics back 10 years, assholes! It looked like the graphics of when PC games introducked CGI cinematic scenes with real people in front of a blue screen in 1996.
This movie had the potential to grab you by the face, kick you in the nuts/pussy/both (if you were born like that), and then ravage you in the ass with your own arm... but it was trying to appeal to all the new-age film faggots out there. SO, fuck this movie in the ass. The music was pretty cool, though. That's the ONLY reason why it even gets a single star.
Rating: * star of EPIC FAIL!!
Side Note: I was especially disappointed because I love Japanese movies/anime, and I was excited that this movie might be able to combine the two... ugh, fuck this movie hard!


Meat Weed Madness - Think I would like this movie because Troma published it? NOPE! I do not like something JUST because of Troma. This movie sucked big-time. The acting, plot, story, effects, etc. All of it was HORRIBLE! I watched this movie in total WTFocity. It was shitty. BUT... there WAS that scene with a guy fucking a girl in the ass... both of them dressed up in knife costumes. AND there were really hot chicks in it that were naked for practically the whole fucking movie!! THAT makes this movie way better than Casshern.
Rating: **** stars of WIN!